“Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.”
~ Amy Poehler
snarkygurl
Daily Culinary Quote: Planning ahead
“Pre-heat the oven? Really? If I was the sort of person who planned ahead, I wouldn’t be eating this Totino’s Party Pizza in the first place.”
~ Adam Peterson
Daily Culinary Quote: Cookies and obsolete gender roles
“I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.”
~ Norm MacDonald
Anonymous:
You baked cookies? Dude no offense but that’s kind of gay.
jaydenw:
I take it you mean gay as in feminine. If so then you’re way off, baking is manly as hell. I saw where cookies weren’t and say no, this will not do. I created my own food, with science. I wanted cookies, so I made some goddamn cookies because they are tasty and delicious. The only difference between me and my mother making them, is I took some grown up initiative instead of being caught up in obsolete gender roles.
The only thing that would have been gay about me baking cookies is if a dude wanted to perform fellatio on me as payment for them because lets face it, my cookies are fucking goddamn delicious.
~ Jayden (@jaydenw) Ask Jayen a Question
Daily Culinary Quote: Cake is hope
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
~ Dean Koontz (Life Expectancy)
Daily Culinary Quote: The correct way to apologize
“Nick sent me a freaking apology pie.
Several, in fact. First, it was apple-raisin, then Mo’s famous chess pie, then French silk, each delivered to my door every day by my decreasingly bemused sister-in-law.
“I’m charging him mileage,” Mo told me as she walked through my front door and placed the chocolate “too fluffy to look real” meringue masterpiece in my hands. I could see the delicate little chocolate shavings speckling the crusty brown dome through the plastic carrying case. Mo slapped the note into my palm. It just said, “Please.”
This was the saddest pie of all. The previous pies had at least told me Nick was sorry and that he wanted to start fresh.
“He’s moved on to meringue,” Mo said, shaking her head. “This does not bode well.”
“I honestly don’t know how to respond to this,” I said, taking the pie into the kitchen. Mo collected the empty pie tins from the counter. Pie never lasted long in our house. Samson had taken to stopping by the house every night to make sure no pie was left behind. As long as Mo was making daily deliveries, he said I could stay mad at Nick forever.
“I’ll talk to him,” I promised her. “Even though I really don’t want to.”
“You should,” Mo countered. “He asked this morning if I could get enough peaches to make a cobbler.”
“No one says they’re sorry with cobbler.”
“Yeah, ’cause saying it with pie is super-normal,” she retorted.”
~ Molly Harper (The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf)